All I Want For Christmas

What do you want for Christmas?

It is the last month of the year. It is near to 1st of Jamiary of the coming new year

What do you want?

All I want for Christmas is Love. For me , i longed for unconditional love. The kind of man that does not put himself before me. Everyone has their up and down times. I am not good at delivering the message  verbally. This blog helps me to expressu feelings , my inner self

This year seems to be my i.. How do i e

Explain... somehow the worst ever year for me.. Well, it is not due to health . I know if it is due to health it will really kill me . This year... I failed in work , in relationship , in friendship... Everything i touches turns black (not gold , mind you)

People i met this year ... How do i say this , mostly bad but there are some good ones of course

I longed for something that is free and ever ready if it comes from the right guy. Problem is it always came from the wrong ones !!! 😖

I want a guy to show me be truly care for me' just one day. One day it is all about me. Not having to wait in line or queue for an uncertain period of time' just once it is about me. Just once i am not cast aside at the last minute after having put on hold everything for him' Just once it is about Me! Especially now, this 2013zzz it has been neay 365 days, i have felt affections from those i do not share same with. Is it my wrong to show more affections than them to me when i am in cloud 9? Now is it my wrong to sit back and wait for them to realise i need those kind affection or love back at this time. It is free. It is super charged with power to bring me forward . It can give me the guidance in life. If may lead me to success. It is the light to my path now.... Please God! I tries to be good .. As good as i can be

Can i now have some peace?

When Tough Gets Tougher

Sometimes when we are at our lowest we feel that we are at the end of a road. We do not hope for anything except for a smooth ride through the day. We hope to wake up to a better day the next morning or we hope we are just having a bad dream.

Though having tough days are a norm in these times but there's a saying ",when the tough gets tougher the tough gets going".... My personal experience is a good example. When my days gets tougher I swallow all my bitterness and hoping my day will get better n pretend all the bad news I received is just my imagination. As my day gets worst I noticed I will get a surprise of a long awaiting news... Is it because someone up there love me? Or is it like how the old folks saying goes .. when u don't have the body of a super model, you will gain with a beauty of your own, be it your personality, or maybe your features , or maybe its your beautiful complexion, or ..... You'r just beautiful in your own world........ :)

THE LETTER "S" OR "A" (PART III)

I would not say my friendship with Annabelle was close knit though she said it so many times. She do not have any real friends. Though we spent many hours together, it felt more like am just her listener. Many times i like to call it quits but she seems suicidal. Annabelle's negative attitude towards the whole world and herself is really depressing and pathetic.

Sometimes i wonder if she is putting on a show or is it real? However, I concluded my findings , am sure she is a Drama Queen. Maybe she has histrionic personality disorder too. She can cry anytime of the day for any reason at any place. She has no dignity and self respect. She can drive to Lucas house and making her presence felt by crying in her car. Parked at the entrance of his house. She does not care if Lucas's mother and brother has low opinions of her. She does not care as long as she gets Lucas's attention. Annabelle would drive all over the city looking for Lucas's vehicle, parked next to his car, waited till he came and spotted her. All she ever wanted is attention. What is so great about dignity and self respect to her?

Annabelle can do horrible things yet has no feelings of guilt or shame. Some of the stories she boasted to me are unexpected terrible doings of hers. I felt sorry for her victims. Never thought I would one day be one of her victims. Annabelle is stubborn like a bull or maybe a donkey, egoistic like a lion. She has anger issues. She has nothing good , only the worst, to say about anyone else including Lucas. In fact , Lucas got the worst remarks from her. Yet she could not get enough of him. She could not let go. Why? She claimed she does not love him anymore. She allows her ego to lead her. She could not let go due to her egoistic ways. She is just not the type of woman to accept being neglected or ignored. After all, in her mind, She is perfect and flawless.

If it is love that Annabelle has for Lucas, would she display herself as single and available in pubs, bistros and karaoke so men would woo her and bring her to bed? Easier to woo her than to break off with her. I don't think any of her generous men has ever managed to get out from her life. Annabelle will find ways to lie her way back into their lives and always a dame in distress waiting for her hero to save.

Men she chose are generous and humorous and preferably not high in IQ like Lucas. Makes it easier for her to be in control.  The best are those who has the time to chat with her whole day long.  She is really into those who agree with everything she says. She projected herself as a "good gal" in these places. People who dislike her label her as "Like a Virgin"??.. She ordered green tea. She is extremely shy when men approached her. She would lower her head , eyes looking up, flashing her fake eye lashes when men approached her. The men can talk whole night while she responded with flashing those fake eye lashes of hers. Its quite a scene watching her portray as a helpless dame and letting those men think they are leading while in fact, they are already trapped and hooked by her.

I guessed Annabelle is right, she does not love Lucas. Annabelle just enjoy the feel of possessing him and displaying him in public places and social network as hers. Annabelle is doing such so Lucas's other female friends can see for themselves that Lucas belong to her. She also wants to show the whole world Lucas mistreat her, not giving her the love she deserves.

As if FB is not good enough, Annabelle would not mind harassing women who contacts Lucas. When all that she had done is not enough to control him , Annabelle chose to physically abuse Lucas. I was shocked to learn of her anger management issues. Apparently her ways of clawing, beating , hitting, scratching her men are her ways of "taming" her men (pets). Annabelle abused all the men she dated except for Daniel. Her favorite part is taking a knife from the kitchen and go after them. 

Which is worst? Would you prefer the physical abuse or having all your clothes shredded to pieces? I guess for Lucas , all her reactions are proof of love. Her stalking, harassing his female friends, shredding all his work shirts to pieces, verbal and physical abuse are still acceptable. After all , Annabelle told him that I taught her all these to break them up. I am her Mastermind. For the record, I do not believe Evil can be taught. 

I can never understand why she has problems letting go since she has been sleeping around behind Lucas's back. During their courtship and during their break up period. This has been her lifestyle even before she met Lucas. She would have affairs with few men at the same time. She would be in one relationship that benefit her in monetary terms and at the same time, has other affairs. I guessed this way she would not feel neglected or unwanted and getting a fat bank account. She has no trouble asking for gifts. She is anything but shy. Annabelle broke off with Daniel after three months because she could not get a cent out of him. Daniel is a soft spoken well mannered businessman. He comes from a loving and well to do family. Definitely a mismatch from the beginning. Daniel has problem trusting her as he was told Annabelle is dating others behind his backs. After twice of getting cheated by Annabelle, Daniel jilted her. He is the only guy who never too keen to keep in touch with her. The lucky one that got away. On that day, Annabelle was dump by Daniel and Teddy. As such, she went back to Lucas, forgetting all the negative remarks she ever made about him. Lucas will always be the one she turn to when she is sad. Lucas is easily influenced by her. Annabelle can lie through her teeth and Lucas will still believe her. To the point that he was the one who gave her STD.

Annabelle boasted how she got her man, Teddy, from hometown to buy her an iphone 4S and the same time made Lucas agree to buy her one too. Lucas does not have enough money to get her the iPhone 4S so she told him that she will get the iphone 4S on her own first. Lucas will need to pay her back. As collateral she took his passport, a gold necklace and a gold ring which was a gift from Lucas's former girlfriend, all without his knowledge. After 2 years, the passport is still with Annabelle. Stealing and stalking are one of her many talents.

Her famous quotes are "why cant any men love me? all i want is love but all they want is sex.. is that so difficult?".."as long as a man is willing to spent on woman, that is love"..  due to her insecurity she labeled everyone that she know (including me) "Eat Shit Dog" (direct translation from local dialect of hokkien) It means a hopeless human being who never learn or improve his or her ways... "That girl cannot be trusted. She is a liar".. "That friend is not my true friend. She betrayed me. She was not there to help me" ... "Pig Dog Friend" (direct translation from local dialect of hokkien. It rhyme better in hokkien) , means her friend that is in the animal category, of no value to her ..

Its obvious nobody's perfect Except Annabelle.

THE LETTER "S" OR "A" (PART II)

Annabelle did very well in her sales considering no training has been provided. She has the ability to make others believe she is the right source in the beauty line. She is the type who does not practise what she preached.

After 2 months in sales, Annabelle went MIA (missing in action).

Annabelle called me one day to place some orders and I later learnt that her MIA is due to her rocky love affair with Lucas. The usual issues of relationship when there is no trust the other party will feel suffocated. It is from there our business relationship turn to friendship.

Annabell shared her stories of Lucas being unfaithful to her. Lucas has not been honest when he deny having constant contact with his ex girlfriend and another girl who had recently broken off with her boyfriend. However smart Lucas think he is, he is not able to hide anything from Annabelle. Lucas is a simple minded guy and always underestimating Annabelle's intelligence. Annabelle has the means and ways to check his itemised phone bills. This is where we all should learn never to leave our phone. 

Alot can be done when you combine phone + laptop.

I later advised Annabelle to have some confident in her relationship since no one will be happy when there is always some doubts. She decided to stop everything she is doing in order to follow Lucas where ever he goes. Even during working hours. This way she will know who he is in contact with.

Not long after, both Annabelle and Lucas decided to go their separate ways. It was she who had a hard time letting go of Lucas. She could not function as normal without the knowledge of his whereabouts and situations. She would think of him with the other women. She cried till her eyes puffy and swollen everyday. She was in a mess.

My mistake was i took pity in her and being there for her. The "being there for her" session grew longer. From a call to a tea break and from there to a whole day spent with her. Soon it was clubbing from 10pm to 3 am. Though it is not my lifestyle but knowing her needs to gain attention so to temporary forget Lucas, I bear with her . It is time consuming and definitely not cost effective.  At one point it also felt like privacy being invaded or worst, life threatening for me. She seems to be living in her own world. There are only her and herself. Only she is important. Only she is always right. Only she is attractive. Only she is perfect. Yet, why is she always complaining about not being happy? Why is she in pain from feeling lonely? She cries everyday, like a crocodile crying.

It is from this day, I realize Annabelle has the heart made of steel and painted in dark shades. Reality struck me hard when i lay motionless and helplessly on a table with grobbing hands all over while she watched , laughed and goes on with her singing. I was shocked to learn my mind is working just fine but my body somehow has betrayed me by staying motionless. I wanted to yell for help. No words came out. I prayed hard someone can understand what i am trying to say through my eyes. Can they see I am helpless , can they see I need someone to get the fat old man's off me? I prayed hard. Prayed like i never prayed before. Then the moment of truth came to me, Annabelle came up to me and told me she has decided to ask the fat old man to send me home as she is not done having her fun with her friends and she would like to continue her singing. My heart crashed. It was like she has dropped me as if i am a hot brick.

This resulting in months spent listening to her constant complaints and accusation of Lucas. She wanted to have a new start without him in her life. I believed her, not knowing she had contacted Lucas.

Their reconciliation was made known to all after couple of months later. Everyone was delighted with the news. My only advise to Annabelle was "you chose this path , only you can finish it. Noone can walk it for you".

THE LETTER "S" OR "A" (PART I)

The last straw that broke the camel's back. This is best to describe what prompt me to write this story. Against all odds and against my personal protocol i have decided to write this to clear my name (among many others) and help others to avoid such situations. This is my blog and best thing about it is i can write whatever I want. To protect everyone's privacy, names has been changed.
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Kenny called and would like me to meet some friends of his. Kenny is a very popular and funny guy though he has the habit of owing his friends' money and loving any women who cross his path. He was once ago a businessman doing quite well in used car dealership. Due to bad decisions making, he landed in tons of debts and from then on, his wife is the one wearing the "pants" in the house. Sad but true. Imagine a cow with nose ring. He does resembles the cow, no doubt about it, due to his body size and frame. He is also well known for his huge fleshy nose. And I thought Jacky Chan's nose is big.

I got to know two women and a guy on that fateful day. The women; Annabelle is in her 20s and Sandy in her 30s. Both women are sisters and dressed casually with medium to large Louie Vuitton bags.  It was obvious the guy, Lucas is Annabelle's lover. Lucas , however are looking smart in his casual wear. Annabelle seems to be speaking on his behalf most of the time. With watchful eyes like the hawk, she would watch his every move. A slight movement from him, her head is turn to him. A very possessive woman, I presumed. Lucas seems to be enjoying her insecurity and attention. Sandy seems to be more stable and mature. She is careful with her words and protective of her younger sister.  She wants to make sure her sis is on the right path and will always be there to guide her.

During this time, I understand the women came from a small town, and are now residing in the city. Apparently Sandy is married to a local city guy. According to Kenny, she is married to a very wealthy man. However, I have never heard of this wealthy man before. Must be a low profile gentleman who does not like socializing much. The rich and wealthy in the city hang out together. The saying goes "birds of a feather flock together"?

Annabelle has since moved to the city and has no future plans of going back to her hometown. She said she is the outgoing type. Being single and young with hot blood rushing up and down in her blood veins, she is no stranger hanging out in Karaoke every night or spending hours on pool games daily. Annabelle boasts of her acquaintance with the rich and wealthy men and the girls she clubs with.

We all decided to give it a try on business cooperation between Annabelle and me. Both sisters will try out the products under my company and Annabelle will be appointed as one of the distributor in the city.


The deal has been sealed and signed for.