we only live once. we should choose our companions and friends carefully. betrayal can be very painful. you never know when it'll hit you.  you will see yourself in a corner of a room surrounded by darkness feeling so cold so lonely you wish you can just shut your eyes and when you open them everything is just a bad dream and you are at somewhere nice and wonderful.

what are friends for? we always hear this phrase but do we all know the answer to it? what are friends for? well, i don't know the answer.. thought i knew once but hey , what do i know right? just take a look at where i score at the friendship catergory. all the unexpected to happen. where do i go from here? easier said than done. how about trust? how do i start trusting again? true friends don't just hang around you when you are in top form and run with their tail behind their legs when you hit bottom. suddenly, your existence is their burden, your voice sound too high pitch, your company is embarrassing  to them, your problems, worst of all, your normal conversation seems like sarcasm to them.. huh, don't go telling them your personal problems which you only confide in your confidante, that's when they see you differently, thinking you are just one whiner and too lazy to do anything.. suddenly you are just not good enough for them.

tell me, who in their right mind, would like to hit rock bottom? only when we are in that state, we understand why some would succumb to suicide. think of the betrayals think of the loneliness, think of the emotional breakdowns, think of the mental stress... then you think to yourself, would all this happen if they didn't know your secrets? would they shut you out ? would they find you disgusting to be with? would they think you are not up to their standard? .... then your regrets come too late for comfort. 

when you face problems you cant solve no matter how hard you try, would you rather sit facing the walls till the answer fall down the sky or would you rather have some understanding friends who cared and chat with? take some heavy load of your chest, so that you can think clearly once again? if your friends are smart, hey, wouldn't you like some good tips? 

i used to think people will treat you the same way you treat them. so obviously i showered them with lots of tlc. yeah right! Very wrong. Trust me, lots of opportunists out there waiting to suck you dry then dump you like a junk!! if you treat them differently , hey, suddenly you are committing a serious crime you need punishment or time out.. 

wonder if there's any reference book out there on how to choose your friends wisely