My life experience (part 2)

 Everyone needs someone close for comfort when they feel sad and down right? Well i befriended a girl , no names should be mention, I was so addicted to telling her my grievances. There was no doubt about it. After work, I would call her and talked for hours, she was indeed a very good listener. That time I thought it was a very good idea to have her as my bestirs. Why? Because she is smart. She never had to endure what I have to in the work place. She knows the right things to say, right moves, everything she did was just perfect. Our superior just love having her nearby her. Of course she don't need to perform messy jobs like I did. She was never given timeline for work. She knows how to cover for herself. She knows when and what to give as a gift to our superior on her birthday. I didn't know that this was a necessity. I was brought up in a simple lifestyle. Furthermore i had no access to my own account i. Thanks to my then crazy boyfriend. I can't even shop with my own money what more to say buy someone a gift!!! (Don't judge me readers. Some of you may think I could just get rid of him. Please remember i did say he was crazy and possesive. I feared him. I am scared shit of him)

Funny thing is i found out after more than 10 years he was womanizing while dating me. While he was so busy controlling my movements I am shocked he had the time to woo others. Let's take this down as my first shock of men. How selfish they can be. And how one woman is never enough for their ego.

I was desperate to break off with him. I would kill my self if I have to end up marrying him. Well that was my plan  then. Only plan i had. It felt like a good one then. I hated him so much and I dislike how his family treated me. No way was I going to end up beating his surname. No way no how.

I forgotten how but I cooked up an excuse to temporarily cool off friday m each other. Wow can u imagine a heavy stone lifted from my chest? Anyway I didn't miss him at all until for no reason he was back in my life with his usual verbal and mental abusing me. 

During the cooling off period i allowed myself to get to know other men that tried to woo me. It was only then I realized that not all men are the same. Some are nice. They are not as rude and crazy as him. Though I dare not allow myself to trust any of them. It looks and sound too good to be true. I had many suiters but ..... I am just afraid of getting hurt. It was better to leave nature taking its own course. If it was meant to be then it shall be. 

I even encountered 3 men who wooed me at the same time. It was only on a later stage that i found out three of them had a bet on me. Who should win my heart first.. This marked as my 2nd shock about men. They didn't mind the girl getting hurt, they just want to feel the feeling of victory. 

I do not have any friends i was not allowed any. If he found out about me having friends he will looked them up and .... Scare them away from me..  But secretly I hide a bestie that i would confide my darkest secrets to daily. 

My life experience (part 1)

As I was growing up i was taught not to lie and steal. My mom told me it takes only one lie or one steal to brand you as a liar and a thief. I was actually brainwashed into believing my life will be surrounded by nice and decent society except for a sarcastic few

Once I left school , which leads me to working in an organization in which i still believe or more like it never cross my mind there will be liars or thieves. I have live peaceful life since childhood, never having to butter coating anyone to have a good day. I live in a a world of culture in which everyone does as they are told , no argument is acceptable , you just do as you are told, simple as that. Never in my mind that i would imagine i will be joining an organization of which i observed everyone is doing their best to please those with higher authority. Why? So that they could work peacefully without getting bullied. I was in awe of what is happening, i was never taught of such acts nor was I ever been exposed to it. So obviously life was hell in there. I was yelled at in public, humiliated, given the type of work no other female workers wished for... Digging for files among big boxes in a suffocating and dusty room. Of coz not to mention i was given only 30 minutes max to locate the file each time. Now they won't want me to take my sweet time and spend half a day in a hot, stuffy, messy room right? My work desk is at the ground floor but the messy stuffy room is at the 3rd floor. In my 4 inches heels I gotta to ran up and down in less than 30 min because the time line given include getting all documents readily type without any mistakes  (by me of course), filed nicely and presenting it to my superiors for signing

I can say I despise my work. If I am on leave no one is required to relieve me. Any requests for documents of such can be delayed till my return. It's never a good sight first thing in the morning after a vacation. 

To think I do not have any stress at work, i happened to be dating a crazy and possesive guy (i was too naive to know he is crazy then) i described him as crazy because I feel he deserved this title. He would check on me. I am not allowed to even have any friend, not even a girl for a friend. I am not allowed to shop with my own money. I am not allowed to follow my family for yearly picnic outings. I can't breathe. I felt so suffocated. At work and with this sort of "bacteria" stuck to me. It was a nightmare my princess like life has turn into a nightmare. A horrible one in which I must learn the best way to survive in a foreign world (to me)

What Is Your Limit?

In my lifetime I come across many different types of individuals. Some good some not so bad some are assholes .. Hahahaha

I am sure everyone has similar experiences in their lives too. How we handle the society that surrounds us is the same as how one handles their stress. Many times i been given advises "stress is only stress if you see it as stress or if you take it too seriously". My reply is the same as always "it is easier said than done" . It is always so easy to give advise but only ourselves can understand the depth of our own unhappiness and stress. I always appreciate friends who gave me advises even though it is impossible for me to follow through. I am grateful because it shows yah i have many friends who cares for me unconditionally though some advises are so so impossible .. Yet i thank them and i love them deeply 

In some instances it is also these so called friends that could hurt me the most. Maybe i never expect them to become inconsiderate and cold like those people who are just passers by in my life.

I yearn for true friends and sincerity in my life . After much of searching i came across only two ladies who will be by my side during my time of needs and sadness .

Yet these two ladies are the only friends that i spend less time with...